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after-run   
07:43am 20/11/2003
 
mood: nauseated
music: wilco - jesus, etc
that shit was brutal.

dont know how far i ran, but i realized that in addition to being dehydrated, i have a wicked toothache, the kind that hates cold air, and running, in the cold, makes it hurt. a lot.

im so stupid.
 
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bleghh   
06:51am 20/11/2003
 
mood: cranky
music: world inferno friendship society - friend to the friendless
so it's 6:51 and i've now realized that i cant sleep like a normal person, when i do go to bed at a reasonable hour, i wake up like 5 hours later because my body just assumes i'm sleeping through some class and that it should wake up so i can catch the end of it. it's pretty pathetic.

also, i had a weird dream//real life experience. in my dream i was really really really thirsty and there was no kitchen in the place i was in, so i ran into the bathroom and there was a bath running so i was drinking out of there, frantically. and there was someone in the tub so it started to get disgusting and have like toenails in it and stuff so i had to stop drinking. it was really weird. then i woke up, and i was rediculously thirsty, so i ran to my closet, grabbed a cup (good thing i did dishes last night or i would have grabbed a cup with like crusty hot chocolate in it) and i ran to the bathroom (no kitchen in my room) and drank four cups of water in a matter of about 3 minutes. it was nuts. i realized it was the first time i'd drank pure water in about 2 or 3 weeks. that cant be good, can it?

bleghh, i have work at 9, then Beethoven at 11 and Art History at 2 - all of which i have to attend - and i dont think ill be able to get back to sleep so i think im going to go for a run. it may not be such a good idea considering im pretty sure im dehydrated, but whatever.
 
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trouble at home, cant sleep in bed   
04:03am 05/11/2003
  yeah so i said i was going to update this again but i've failed to. i think now i will do it for real. or at least for tonight.

it's 4:03am and im awake, which is no surprise. it's more of a surprise when i go to sleep before this time. i have a Decorative Arts take home exam to do. It is pretty lame because the last test was of slides that we looked at in class but for this one he gave us slides of furniture to identify that we've never seen before. that's kind of fucked up because they're not in the book either. so we have to just look at it and know what period it was done in, approximate date of manufacture, formal title (cupboard vs cabinet, bureau vs secretary, side chair vs armchair, tete-a-tete vs chaise lounge, etc), who designed it, and from which region it came. I dont know, I dont exactly think I'm an expert after two months of an art history class so it's kind of hard to do that...

I also have to write an intro and an outline for my english paper which is annoying. Luckily I've done some research already but i havent looked at it at all.

Oh well, good thing i dont have class until 2 tomorrow and my art history class isnt until 5


enough about school. life here is pretty weird. i think i hate it and then i think i love it, back and forth, about 5 times a day. i think that is pretty weird because i've never really thought about liking where i am before, seeing as how i had no choice in the matter before college. it's also weird that i have such a love-hate relationship with it. i've never really had that before either. besides, love/hating college and washington dc is a far cry from love/hating high school or sussex county. again i guess it's just because i have a choice, and i could be wherever i wanted to be. just weird i guess.

i dont know, that's annoying to talk about, so it's probably annoying to read about as well. i've just been thinking a lot about stuff like that lately - especially when i was hanging out with my friend who goes to Pratt and loves it and i dont understand why im at a liberal arts/international relations school that i may or may not hate, that costs a million dollars a year to go to. Pratt is not cheap at all, but at least i'd be spending money on a school that is good for my major??

geh, enough. not going to think about it.


but for real there's not much else going on right now. same people, same shit. i must say that i was more than delighted to see the people i have been missing in my extended leave of absence from new jersey at the halloween show. and of course it was glorious to finally hang out with my jamie again. no matter how much time we spend apart she's still the coolest thing in the world, and the best friend ever.
 
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02:00am 28/10/2003
  so, it's been like 5 months...but nothing has really happened.

that's not true, im just too lazy to write anything.

perhaps i will update this again, but everyone probably took me off their friend list already. no worries. i like talking to myself.
 
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10:41pm 26/05/2003
  hi all

i havent updated this mother in like a month or something

only thing of note as of late: VIOLET LARKIN BADER DANESI !!!!!

yes my sister holly had a baby on thursday. she is so beautiful. i am in san francisco.

i miss everyone in new jersey, especially the people i havent seen since ive been home from school. im looking forward to seeing you all SOON.

that's all.

xoxo
 
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01:05am 09/04/2003
  macrock was fun

i dont feel like writing about it, but

ITS LIKE TWICE THE TEDDY BEAR

nuff said
 
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06:30pm 29/03/2003
  WESLEY WILLIS / AN ALBATROSS / ANGRY ATOM
@ The First Unitarian Church (22nd and Chestnut) $8 / All Ages / Tickets On Sale at Spaceboy and at r5productions.com

Wow. Where do I even begin on this one ? WESLEY WILLIS is a schizophrenic
street singer who built up a small cult following with his bizarre, three-chord
rants about trivial everyday items, music, and people he knows. Willis was
discovered singing on the streets of Chicago in the early '90s. For the first part of
the decade, several independently released tapes of his songs appeared,
eventually followed by indie recordings of his albums. By 1995, he had gained the
attention of several well-known musicians, including Smashing Pumpkins and Pearl Jam. Shortly before signing a major label contract with American Records in
1996, Willis was profiled on MTV, which resulted in increased recognition in
certain alternative rock circles and even a few appearances on The Howard Stern
show. To say that you need to see Wesley Willis at least once in your life is
perhaps the understatement of the century. Philadelphia carnival jazz punks, AN
ALBATROSS will be playing their first philly show in a really really really long
time. Appropriate as Wesley penned a song about the band just a short time ago.





IS ANYONE GOING TO THIS!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!??!




I THINK I HAVE TO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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ATTN: Katie   
01:34am 27/03/2003
  i am wearing $400 Chanel Sunglasses.


sweat me.
 
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dirt cheap land HO   
01:36pm 18/03/2003
 
mood: annoyed
music: against me
i just got back from Dirt Cheap Land and the beehive (both very glorious thrift stores in my area) and i got a shirt that says on the front "official night crabbing shirt" and on the back it says "i know this bay like the back of my hand"..and you can tell someone made it because it's those felty letters that you iron on. priceless.

i cant wait for the mug jamie gave me (with her picture on it and 'friends are forever' on the back) ends up in a thrift store...she made me promise that it never will...but it will. and some lucky kid will get it.

i got more stuff but not really anything else of note.

mother fucking ian left for philly before i got back, even though he said he was leaving at 1:00 and i got back at 12:59...i called and he was gone. i really wanted to go, today is such a wonderful day for a car ride, especially down route 31..would have been lovely.


yesterday was awesome because i woke up at 3:00pm and two of my sisters were over and they and my mom were outside sitting on the driveway painting. i sat outside and painted with them for 3 hours. i did one of my leg and i painted my scar all exaggerated like...kind of like frieda kahlo's "what the water gave me" (that is a great painting if you dont know it)

i love that everyone in my family (well 5 of 6 children and 1 of 2 parents) are artists. and good ones at that. my mom is so fucking cool and i cant imagine how different i would be if i didnt grow up in a house where every wall was covered in her awesomeness (cow in the kitchen...weeping willow trees and sheep in the living room...angels on the ceilings all over the place...apple trees in the foyer...fake fireplace in the piano room...the painted piano itself...i could go on forever because there isnt a square inch of our house that isnt done up wonderfully by my mom)

i really feel bad for people who grew up with white walls and crappy framed wal mart art.



anyway, so then on sunday (im going backwards), i had a good time. i went to see KYI, the survivors, a new enemy, GET REAL, et al and it was wonderful. i hadn't been to a show in new jersey since the summer...it was glorious. i saw so many people, lots of people i really missed and wanted to see, some that i want to see more of, and others whose faces were just enough.

the really cool thing about going to this show was that i got two of my sisters to come with me. they live in montclair a few blocks away so i walked over and persuaded them to come. they really had a really good time (gina even bought a get real shirt). gina said that even though she couldnt understand anything they were saying, and that even though she wouldnt want to listen to the music at home, that she really appreciated the energy. shawn said the same thing and even tried two-stepping (if anyone saw a 30-something slightly larger girl two-stepping like a goddamn idiot, that was my sister)


the only part i was a little concerned about the whole night was that standing right in front of shawn was a boy wearing an ExTxA shirt....now while i like this band and i think thier name is great...Shawn is ridiculously ridiculously epileptic. she has never driven in her life, and she is often in the hospital. i was afraid she was going to see it and get offended..but she didnt !

wonderful. yes another great part was that i had a pretty good conversation with someone. i always thought that he thought i was a complete jackass (based on our previous encounters...something about rocks and balls and scrabble and not really making out in the crowd of an atom and his package show)



in any case, im glad i guess he doesnt, because i've always thought he was a good guy.


now im sitting here on tuesday at 2:02 pm because ian left without me for philly. if you love me and you want to hang out with me, call me. if you dont know my number you should. but if you should and you dont, it's 973 383 1271. oh, especially call if you live two miles away (AHEM skirtun). but if you live more than that you can call too. we just might have to meet in the middle though.
 
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oy, on a much deeper level   
10:16pm 14/03/2003
 
mood: confused
music: computer lab
wow i got myself in a pickle......

cant even explain, it has to do with wheatpaste and a whole bunch of money that i didnt earn....

ill try to redeem myself but i dont know if im strong enough. i have good intentions though, i think that goes a long way or something (?)



the movie Roadtrip is actually really good....some really good commentary on the world (seriously)

i also watched a televangelist on tv early this morning (before i had slept 'for the night' at 8:00am) and i realized that everything she was saying, if you replaced GOD with 'yourself' and SATAN with 'our government', it could have been me talking. that both scared me and made me feel really good....maybe i was too hasty when i judged religion. i mean obviously there are people who distort it and make it horrible, but perhaps the intrinsic premise of it is really really good. not gonna become religious though, because i dont need something to justify the fact that people should just be nice to each other and tolerate EVERYONE. dont need to be told that ill go to hell if i dont, because i see the hell in the world around me. that's what made me think that religion is actually dead-on...and that God is a metaphor for yourself and that Hell is a metaphor for the bad that goes on in life. when people start taking those metaphors seriously, and losing sight of what they are meant to do, that's when religion gets fucked up.

anyway, i think ill go put those signs up so i can feel like i didnt totally cheat the anti-war movement out of $40 (except what the hell are they doing paying people to do shit for them? they are modelling the very system that they oppose)


whatever, too many contradictions for one day. i might just go to sleep.
 
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12:59pm 11/03/2003
 
i'm
high-wired and on the ball. active and in control. i'm so addictive.

find out what kind of drug you are @
tara's website
.

 
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12:35pm 11/03/2003
 
mood: calm
music: no music...only reading Spinoza, he is one fucked up dude
yo:

i think i have a tapeworm or some shit.

i eat so much but i keep losing weight...and it is weird.

maybe im just imagining it (i dont ever actually WEIGH myself) but my clothes are all big and mahsa asked me how much sex i was having because i looked not-as-fat :/ :/ :/ (ha she didnt say 'not-as-fat' but i would never dare say 'skinnier'....because im fat)

i have a tapeworm !
i dont like it.
i would rather be fat than diseased !


ps: im still fat, dont fret. just not AS fat.



ps: thanks for responding to my livejournal and allowing me to be a whiney bitch. especially doug because he said 'stop whining' but we all know he meant 'i love you'
 
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10:52am 11/03/2003
  positiveXnoXmars: what should i eat?
patterns emerge: your momma
positiveXnoXmars: ...
positiveXnoXmars: how many cups are in a quart?
patterns emerge: no clue
positiveXnoXmars: good for nothing son of a..
positiveXnoXmars: what the hell kinda wife are you gonna make?
patterns emerge: haha, im gonna rule
patterns emerge: we're gonna eat at diners everynight
patterns emerge: in fact
patterns emerge: im going to make a tunnel from our house to a diner...you're not gonna realize it's not actually our dining room
 
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NJSCENE PLEASE READ   
10:20am 11/03/2003
 
mood: blah
music: none - computer lab
wow, i realized that i am almost completely forgotten in new jersey.

im obviously still friends with jamie and my other friends from good ole sussex county....but no one else really remembers me, i dont think.


like Holly, for example....not that it is her fault in any way shape or form, but i was reading her LJ review and it seems that the super super grind dancing of the past which was once me, jamie, holly, and tracy is now holly, jamie, and girls i dont even know.

that may sound so dumb and immature, but it's kind of like it's bad enough being in a place where im not happy....to have all my friends at home forget about me is even worse.

i suppose there is nothing that can be done...it's just too hard to keep up a relationship when im in DC (especially since for the most part my friendships with these people, you guys, was based on such frequent seeing of each other)



but, just know, that i still love you guys and i wish i could be grinding and shittalking and dinering and doing everything new jersey.



leave me a comment if you read this and you still consider me some type of a friend....just so i know who i should at least ATTEMPT to see over my breaks.
 
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06:47am 09/03/2003
  saw Carrion, a day in black and white, flowers in the attic, and some other bands last night.

was fun except for scary guy who lives in the house that the show was at who used to live in thurston trying to have sex with me. "it's not everyday that i get to go wild with a GW girl.."

ummm no.


CODE PINK march today, columbia heights to the white house (that is far)

very wonderful, even though i am hella sick and got my period today and have the worst cramps EVER.
 
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03:00pm 08/03/2003
  FUCKING LET IT BURN PLAYED IN BALTIMORE TONIGHT AND I MISSED THEM ! MOTHER FUCK !  
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this is way old.   
05:14pm 07/03/2003
 
mood: awake
music: none - computer lab
patterns emerge (5:11:41 AM): blow up dolls, not people!
BestThursdayEver (5:11:49 AM): ha ha ha
BestThursdayEver (5:11:54 AM): it works on so many levels
patterns emerge (5:12:03 AM): i know
patterns emerge (5:12:13 AM): but the funny level is inflatable people to hump
 
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im sick of this thing...   
12:22am 04/03/2003
 
mood: meh
music: none- computer lab
ehhh

i went to the vagina monologues, and it was great. some of my friends were in it so that was cool.

im putting on a show here at school and the assistant is/are (?) going to come down and play. yay. it's going to be a benefit for the Brian MacKenzie Center (dc infoshop) so yay.

nothing else new, except i love ian.

i love jamie. i miss jamie.

when is she going to come visit me?
 
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01:07am 01/03/2003
  patterns emerge: i dont even need to use my hands
patterns emerge: i can will myself an orgasm
cut your hangups: YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO USE YOUR HANDS?
cut your hangups: THATS LIKE A BABY'S TOY!
 
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12:11am 28/02/2003
  BestThursdayEver: if doug's so great why don't you have him force your labor?
BestThursdayEver: huh?
BestThursdayEver: huh?
patterns emerge: maybe i will ian....maybe i will.
 
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